RAJA - A LESSON ON UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

I recently had to put my cat of sixteen years to sleep. She was suffering from heart failure and hyperthyroid. As an adult, I am grateful to say that I have not had to experience such sadness and loss in a very long time. The last loss I can recall that shattered my soul, was the loss of my 15-year-old cousin who was hit by a car on his bicycle and passed away after suffering severe brain damage, I was 17. As a 28-year-old who has always had a special connection with animals, borderline obsessive, this felt like I lost a sibling. The positive side of this, despite having to watch her beautiful green eyes fade lifelessly away, is that it pushed me to feel something that triggered some major healing. Not only did she give us sixteen amazing, affectionate years of unconditional love, she showed me the criteria for any and all relationships in my life. Despite the pain and suffering I know she constantly endured, she continued to show us love and happiness, tail flipping and purring loudly anytime we touched her; still greeting us at the door everyday despite her deteriorating legs and inability to hold her own weight. She fought so hard to show us that she was staying here for us, selflessly.

Admirable.

After we made the decision to relieve her of her pain, my heart broke 1,000 times over. I told my mother that I didn’t want any more animals; I was attempting to protect myself from feeling that same pain again, when they too would have to leave me.  As quickly as the thought came, my inner voice dismissed the notion; I knew better, and this was absolutely the wrong way to look at what was happening. The past 3-4 months of my spiritual journey has been focusing on attachments; the significant process of not necessarily “detaching” from people and things, but the freedom for everyone and everything to just “be.” Nothing belongs to me, nothing is supposed to, and nothing ever will. As long as we continue attaching ourselves to the things/people we love, the more we grieve when our soul contracts end and it is time to move on. This causes us to hold on too tightly to their physical form, and more importantly, to lose sight of their purpose in our lives and forget that their spirit is with us, always.

This is control, not love.

I’ve done the self-work to realize that this stems, in my case, from abandonment issues. This is simply the FEAR of not wanting things to end, or people to leave me. The FEAR that if they leave it is due to my lack of self-worth. Now, of course, I know that none of this is true and that none of this has anything to do with the Goddess that I know I am, however, these things have been programmed and conditioned into my spirit since childhood, and probably past-lives.

FEAR HAS NO PLACE HERE.

My beloved Raja showed me that if you are going to connect with people and things on this physical plane, while on your journey to freedom and unconditional love, make sure you are at least connecting with those that speak to your soul. Use discernment, do not connect and then grieve over the loss of those that were meant to be lessons, or things that only held a place in your life for a short period of time. I’m on the search for soulmate friendships/relationships. I’m looking for ALL IN, ALL THE TIME. I’m leaving anything “half ass” in 2016 because I deserve unconditional love, I deserve the divine, I deserve fighters, I deserve soul awakening lessons, I deserve “Raja” from everyone in my life, regardless of how temporary their stay is, and I refuse to settle for anything less!

Happy Healing! I love You!

Sleep In Peace my beautiful angel. I’ll be waiting for your visits in my dreams.